Hey, gang -
I'm just too close to this one to be objective. If you have a moment, I would really appreciate another set of ears (and the mind between them) to provide unvarnished feedback.
Thanks very much for your time and thoughts.
Rod
Love it. May want to work on the sound effect. Sounded more like scissors clicking than the trigger being pulled.
Agree with Jack, the sound effect is weak.
I love it! If a commercial is supposed to get your attention. this one does! It also made me laugh when I realized its an insurance ad.
Like the concept, but thought it moved a little slow. I agree the sound effect was weak.
Thanks, guys - much appreciated.
I did use an actual revolver for the sound effect; evidently the mic didn't capture it well enough. Will have to work on that. Maybe I can find something better in one of my SFX libraries, though it's probably a long shot.
Thanks again for taking time to share your thoughts.
if you want to boost the sfx, you may want to try normalizing or compression with your production software. I think it's an excellent ad! Great headline, clever copy and prudent use of the pregnant pause.
Will,
Thanks for the suggestion. I did both, but evidently not enough. Part of the problem (to my ears) is that the cocking sound isn't "big" enough. The hammer fall and trigger reset are louder than the cocking. I'd like them all to be about the same level. Maybe I just need to clamp down harder on the compression. Will resume work on it this afternoon.
Appreciate you weighing in. I think this can be a good spot if I get it walking on all fours.
It's been a while since I did a lot of production, but one thing you might try is copying the sfx, then mix paste it just shy of directly on top of the original wave. Your spot definitely has legs!
Will,
Thanks for your helpful suggestion. I copied and pasted onto a new track just the cocking and trigger-pulling sounds, then remixed. This definitely punched up the presence of the SFX to my ears. If you have a moment, please listen to the updated version and let me know if it works from your perspective. Thanks!
You nailed it! That is a GREAT ad! It will definitely get attention, and I'd be curious to know how well it performs for your client. I would add that you may get a few phone calls to your office on this; if it's going on a Christian station. Years ago, I worked at a Christian radio station in Kalispell, MT and found the listeners to be very sensitive to ads. I recall producing an ad for a limousine company with the headline, "Image IS everything". After numerous phone calls of complaint, my manager had me re-write the ad.
By the way, do you have anything to do with Grace Container Ministries in South Africa?
Will,
Thanks very much. Now, are you ready for the sucker-punch?
That the message works well on an emotional level is reinforced by the fact that I made a glaring error in the wording of the ad. I said: "Odds of survival, one in six."
Actually, the odds of survival are five in six. It's the odds of dying that are one in six. Isn't it curious that no one caught this? Everyone listening to it received the intended message, even though the actual facts were just backwards.
Well anyway, I'm glad we caught this before it hit the airwaves.
And no, we're not connected with GCM in SA.
Thanks again for your feedback, Will.
WOW! I did not catch that! Perhaps our collective brains just filled in the error with the fact, so we could have emotional closure. Psychologically, that's very interesting. Send it to Roy H. and see if he picks it up. ?
Did you go with 'odds of survival' or 'odds of dying'?
Please keep me informed of it's success. it has legs
Well, this is really embarrassing.
If anyone's read the exchange between Will Schleifer and me yesterday, you already know the punchline: the ad writer, yours truly, made a glaring factual mistake in the first version of this spot. The fact that those of us who listened (again, especially yours truly) evidently missed it completely, suggests to me that the right-brain impact of the message was strong enough to create a bit of a blind spot in the left brain.
Hopefully, this bodes well for the revised version, which I've uploaded below.
Assuming the client approves it, I'll report back on whatever feedback we get.
